We women know all too well the old saying: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Well, we’re here to ask a different question: Why buy the Milk if you wouldn’t have sex with a cow? Pardon the graphic visual, but that’s exactly what you’re doing when you drink milk.

The experts tell us it’s the universe ‘effing’ with our world today. But we’re going to let you in on ‘The Secret’…a very dirty one.

It’s the hormones.

That’s right. Your morning caffe latte routine has turned you into a genetically modified science experiment. That ‘latte’ is a hormone cocktail, laced with special antibiotics and high levels of over-pimped-out-pituitary-gland growth hormone to over-generate a cow’s milk production. Or to put in another way, we’re drinking ‘The Pill.’

So What does drinking all those hormones do to the female body? For starters, our boobs are bigger, our skin is more acne-prone, our butts are way more J-lo and our young girls are becoming frighteningly Very Sexy by age 10.

Speaking of very sexy, maybe you’ve seen the latest ‘Got Milk’ TV commercial? The $60 Million ad campaign flaunts a sultry Salma Hayek jonesing for her bovine fix (and we ain’t talking Botox). Though we heart the hormonal ‘pms-meets-walk-of-shame’ theme, replete with broken stiletto, bed-head bouffant and sex-smudged eyes — we are tossing our cookies all over this milk campaign!

Shame on you Ms. Hayek. You may be going crazy for milk, but it’s the milk that’s making you crazy.

Harvard Researcher Ganmaa Davaasambuu warns: “Among the routes of human exposure to estrogens, we are mostly concerned about cow’s milk, which contains considerable amounts of female sex hormones.” Such estrogens are up to 100,000 times more potent than their environmental counterparts, like those in pesticides. Davaasambuu implicates all cow products including butter, meat, milk, and cheese as causing the high rate of hormone-dependent cancers, most staggeringly breast cancer.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

But it’s not just the women who should be scared. According to beverage digest, the average American — this includes men — consumed nearly 21 gallons of milk in 2010. So? Well, when men consume high fat diets, including an excess of cow products (think: The Palm) they are not only compromising their fertility, they’re also contaminating their sacred semen.

So next time you think about swallowing…just visualize having sex with a cow and we guarantee you’ll spit it out.

Umm, the milk that is.

Authors:
Princess Wears Prada aka @AndoniaPR
Zanotti A-Broad aka @Eyeppl

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As babies, we learn the importance of touch…the warmth of our parents reassures and protects us, while being held supersedes all else in our tiny, scary world. And if there’s any question as to how crucial touch is to our basic human survival, one need only remember the horrific “Baby Houses” of Romania in 1990—a cruel example of nature vs. nurture.

What does touch mean to you today…as an adult?

Before you get excited that this post is going — ahem, south — relax! We are only here to protest the hijacking of the word ‘TOUCH’ by none other than Apple (just google ‘touch’ and behold!). And it’s not just the word, but the sense itself. Even as we write this, the world is collectively licking its lips in anticipation of iphone5 and ipad3. Would we be this excited if these two devices were not touchscreen?

Are we so touchscreen-addicted that we’re dangerously falling out of touch with, well, touch?

Fact: the touchscreen phenomenon is diminishing our ability to appreciate the value of human touch. Human-to-machine interaction is so invasive, so pervasive, we must now retrain ourselves to appreciate human interaction. Crazy. More frighteningly, have we unknowingly rewired our brain with robotic expression to replace human emotion?

Every study suggests that our ‘social’ lives are being denied the human experience. Yet our investment and commitment seem to follow that of the virtual variety. This is not a case against social media, online dating or any other technological interaction. However, intimate (touch) relationships MUST be distinguished from and take precedence over strategic (social/virtual) ones.

Can you really get close to someone without getting close?

Virtual relationships are on-demand, flippant and can easily break down at even a hint of disenchantment. So why do we keep comin’ back for more?

According to The New York TImes’ Matt Richtel:

“When you check your information, when you get a buzz in your pocket, when you get a ring — you get what they call a dopamine squirt. You get a little rush of adrenaline,” he says. “Well, guess what happens in its absence? You feel bored. You’re conditioned by a neurological response: ‘Check me check me check me check me.’ ”

How much longer will your touchscreen satisfy you?

Hmm. Maybe it’s time to reclaim your ‘touch.’

As the erudite Plato once mused: “Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.”

(Er, especially if they’re on Twitter).

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Have you been feeling off-kilter lately? Are your sleep patterns feeling more psychedelic Pucci rather than reliable Ralph Lauren? Is your head jumbled with enough thoughts to fill two episodes of The View? Do you feel lately like your life is a veritable vortex of chaos? Are you questioning everything and everybody?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the questions above, the good news is you’re not alone. The not-so-good news is—wait for it—the Earth is making us all crazy.

Literally!

That’s right. Instead of racking up hourly fees to your local shrink and popping Xanax at a Tic-Tacs’s pace, might we suggest a visit instead to your neighborhood quantum physicist.

Maybe we’ve been hanging out in M.I.T.’s Voltage Cafe too much lately, but today we are asking the question: Have we become so geomagnetically-sensitive that we are reacting to even the slightest stimuli?

Researchers tell us yes!

The earth’s magnetic field itself is a fascinating beast. Tame as many think it is, the magnetism of our planet is remarkably capricious. Fluctuations in magnetism are shedding light on why geological phenomena like earthquakes, tsunamis and hurricanes are detected by animals well in advance of people. But geomagnetic activity is also directly related to humans, i.e. our mental activity. Research suggests heightened geomagnetic activity correlates with violent crime, depression, hallucinations, sleep deprivation, psychokinesis and poltergeist phenomena – basically, all kinds of crazy shit.

Think about it.

From earthquakes to market crashes, the past few weeks have doled out enough lunacy to give even Gadhafi pause (er, wherever he is). In a world where everything is spinning out of control – From London lootings, to Libyan shootings… from GovPerry’s stem-cell-quackery to Buffett’s plenipotentiary… from Rawsome milk raids to radioactive spinach… from meteor showers to Beltway quakes… from markets tumbling to earth’s core grumbling… (did we forget to mention the sky is falling and the anchovies aren’t mating)… are we, ourselves, responsible for making an already whacky world even whackier?

Apparently, yes.

The Law of attraction states we are all electromagnetic beings with frequencies at a level of thought. So, basically we’re like big tacky refrigerator magnets, and the way we vibrate affects what happens. Our thoughts create our feelings and our feelings create vibratory levels that shape our world. But when the earth’s magnetic field starts f*king with your frequency, can you really trust those thoughts and feelings? Add a rabid 24/7 news media frenzy filter and we can safely say, not!

First the markets go haywire. Then the planet. Then the people. Or, is it the other way around? It’s enough to bring out the Crazies (and that’s just the media).

Take the markets. CNBC reporters seemed stunned that investors were reacting to the teeniest tidbits of news and gossip, causing unprecedented volatility. Luckily for investors, this whip-saw shift between good and bad news actually began to feel normal, creating some false stability. But, should we be making rash decisions— in money, life or love—by the mere trickling of unvetted news or gossipy tweets to the point where we’ve abandoned rationality?

Now who’s crazy!

Apparently everyone. According to Dr. Amit Goswami, Ph.D, @quantumactivist on Twitter, a sudden change of environment requires an equally sudden evolutionary jump in the species. Environmental discomfort — not unlike we’ve been experiencing — and geomagnetic fields influence our psychological mood contributing to the aggravation of psychological symptoms like depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, aggressiveness etc., a phenomenon scientists track via something called The International Geomagnetic Index.

Now take Hurricane Irene. Yesterday you could actually sense, minute-by-minute, the shift from over-hyped weather coverage to all-out media madness. From the somber tone of the President to the tweeted urgency of the White House press corps to “Get the Hell off The Beach” from jersey’s Gov, poor Irene was amped from a healthy hurricane to a slow-motion scene from The Day After Tomorrow.

So next time the financial markets contort into a Cirque de Soleil stunt, forget the Nikkei Index and remember the Geomagnetic Index. Or the next time your world is whipped into hysteria, ponder these silkily sage words from Dr. Goswami: “FLOW IS WHEN THE DANCE DANCES YOU.”

Then go dancing.

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Getting your biz ‘found’ in a morass of social media is about as serendipitious as being found by your soulmate on Match!

Not unlike dating and mating in the real world, it is necessary to make your virtual brand equally attractive to your online playmates (errrr… not of the bunny variety). Social media and social lives are now so inextricably linked, you have to ask yourself: Is there even a difference? Weinergate aside, the lines between sex drives and hard drives have never been more blurred. Wield the right mix: a little bit o’ flash, sexy algorithms, some back-end code and Google lubricant, and watch your performance tickle your tribes.

According to the social titans over at Hubspot, we must leverage all the noise out there to “get found” and be desired by more prospective suitors. But how?

My once super-cool small biz website—which edutains a global community of medical influencers in 85 countries— has now fallen frumpy, and dare I say, desperate. Can you say mojo makeover? My .com can barely garner a blind date let alone get hit on by a bevy of fresh meat. Somewhere between Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter, I got out-teched. It’s time to reposition it in the little blackbook of cyberspace, where the only way to seduce new leads is to play games (sigh). To get more site traffic, more followers and stronger SEO, I apparently must bake more flirty cupcakes, tweet aphrodisiacs and blow thousands of virtual kisses if I hope to get snagged.

So with the help of Hubspot, here are 10 Tips (my interpretation) on how to get your site laid:

1. Leverage Those Curves: Creating content is kinda like padding your bra: you need to draw attention but support the interest beyond the fluff to keep ‘em hooked…so pad your site with enough titillating content to fill Barbie’s bra

2. Blog Your Booty Off: Create and incorporate a blog that teases and tempts

3. Don’t Play Mind Games: Your suitors cannot read your mind so keep it simple, be upfront or be alone

4. Play ROC Hard: (Relax, that’s ‘Return On Content’) Stay abreast of what’s working and what’s not with your audience

5. Pimp It Out: Use strong (not graphic) imagery and video to enhance your message penetration

6. Slow Hand: Make sure your site is free of commitment issues and register your domain for the long haul

7. MOZ Rank: If you don’t know what this means, not only are you not ‘cool’ enough, but worse: they’re just not that into you

8. Un-Fatal Attraction: Utilize linking optimization whenever possible to ensure a mutual attraction

9. Feed Them: Don’t let 9 1/2 weeks lapse between communication: Text, blog, tweet… Whatever it takes

10. Don’t Overanalyze: But do check to see how you stack up against your competitors (you know, the ones getting all the action)

HubSpot’s Website Grader gave me a “C” and that unfortunately ain’t a cup size. I’ll improve, I promise. I’m committed. I’m in it to win it. I want to be found. I do!! Who knows… Maybe if I do all these things, I just may even snag that soulmate.

Shout-out to HubSpot for helping me transform my small biz brand on the Internet.

For more information and to find out how you stack up, check out: www.hubspot.com

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Slouched in my cushy, cracked leather Jetblue seat, I welcomed the announcement to turn off all wireless devices and pulled out some saved newspaper sections (yes, I still read print!). I landed on a recent New York Times business feature on AOL-Time Warner’s split.  Wasn’t that marriage just eight years ago?  Then again, eight years is an eternity in technology and now, quite possibly, real-life marriage.

Having just spent the past two weeks in my beloved Massachusetts flying between Beantown and Nantucket and back again, I had a rare opportunity to cover a lot of social mileage.  And what I came away with (aside from a few nasty hangovers) left me a bit shell-shocked.  My long-standing social circles from the late 90’s were largely intact, but, those weddings I attended or the ones I didn’t get invited to… D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

Then it got me thinking, can modern marriage survive modern technology?  More specifically: Can couples remain afloat in a swirling sea of social networking sites?

Think back to how you felt when your desktop speakers blared: You’ve Got Mail!  You did have AOL, didn’t you? Heck, just about everyone on the planet had an AOL account. And who didn’t find themselves lurking in a chatroom or two?  The never-truly-hip AOL was eventually tainted with the “creep factor” (which has also seeped into Craigslist and a few other sites). Advice to those of you clinging to your @aol.com address: It’s time for change.

Today however we are über-SMS: Socially-Media-Sophisticated. It’s all a gal can do to text, blog and tweet while getting pedicured during her lunch break – with some texts reading more like a Danielle Steel novel. Has our finetuning of online social networking skills awoken others parts of us that, well, were asleep? If so, could that explain the increased divorce rate?

Apparently, yes. The Guardian recently reported that "cyber affairs" are being cited with greater frequency in disruptions of real marriages. Social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and MySpace are, according to divorce lawyers, the online enablers.

Lately a handful of married exes and colleagues tracked me down to giddily remind me of their Facebook presence. Here they go again, casting their fishing rods! It’s as if somehow these social networking sites have awarded them a clean slate, granting them a license to, dare I say, stray. I wonder how their wives would feel about their chatting up former gal-pals online? Then again, social networking sites are a boon for desperate housewives.

There’s no question that being part of a supportive, dynamic duo is the preferred way to go. But how do you manage ‘it’ while now having to manage all of ‘them’ (the ‘them’ being all of your new social network pals). Don’t expect any marital wisdom from this princess. I just discovered my less-than-significant other not only has a blog,  but belongs to multiple social networks.  Hmmm… he ain’t sending me cupcakes.

Maybe social media will run its course and land the same fate as AOL. And maybe marriage, as in staying married, will make a comeback. I will ponder these and other profound thoughts as I prepare to tweet this post.

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“This whole Initiative is in the WE business,” Bill Clinton exclaimed at the conclusion of the Clinton Global Initiative, the most brilliant marriage of philanthropy and capitalism ever staged. Somehow I suspect Bill’s philosophy is largely inspired by his own very personal concept of “WE” – his other half…of the Clinton brand – Hillary.

He further charmed: “Thank you for giving me the first chance I’ve had to see Hillary…Most of what I do today, I’ve learned from her.”

Wow. Just wow.

They say that marriage is only as strong as its weakest partner. For the Clintons’ very public partnership, it would seem that getting through the roughest of patches required one to summon enough strength for two. Maybe we’re all a bit too comfortable weighing in on the Clinton marriage (the media have certainly claimed it as eminent domain), but what I saw the other day in a very public forum was a very private moment.

We gals have been told that by allowing a man to believe he is in charge…well, that is the art of being a woman. How nice to see that art appreciated. Dare anyone question why Bill Clinton fought so hard for Hillary during her presidential run, they need only see what he so plainly showed in a way that only Bill Clinton can communicate. We all felt it.

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On this Labor Day, Americans are “celebrating” the worst jobless rate since 1982 — our shoe budget is dashed for sure. While the boys of Goldman Sachs were Net-Jetting to St. Tropez blowing their bonuses on Russian imports, the rest of us have been relegated to the clearance rack @Saks (praying for an 80% off sale), and are expected to do a lot more work for considerably less money.

It’s not even that we have a high jobless rate —”9.7″—it’s that The Land of the Free has a lot of free time on its hands and is also working for free! So, are those of us who are willing to work, willing to do so for half of what they used to earn, or even for free?

Sadly, YES!

And by the way, for those of you who think we’ve been musing through mykonos or ambling along the amalfi coast this summer. Not so much. These hireheelers have been workin’ it — heel-toein’ it to the canyons of NYC, through the canals of Amsterdam and (teetering) on the cobblestones of Beantown… nor did these politistas have an appetite for the healthcare buffet, town brawls or green tea parties.

So what’s next?

Well, short of digging a “Gold”man (who’s preferably not short LOL), these girls are going to labor on and celebrate our enterpreneurial spirit… hopefully inspiring a few savvy hireheelers along the way.

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I understand why everyone wants to touch Bill Clinton. I met Bill a couple of years ago at a fairly intimate 4th of July fundraiser for his wife Hillary at Terry McAuliffe’s home. Upon arrival, the President couldn’t even escape the walkway to reach the party, due to the collective weight of the instant cluster of folk in tow. Showing no trace of annoyance, he graciously indulged as many as he could, much to the chagrin of an unusually polite Secret Service detail.

With a worn copy of My Life in-hand (and no make-up on-face) I slinked through the all-male cluster to reach the President, intent on engaging him beyond a 15-second, gushing handshake. Thankfully, I succeeded.

I asked Mr. Clinton how ordinary citizens could play a more active role in idea-sharing events such as the Renaissance Weekends he and Hillary so inspiringly referenced in their apres White House memoirs. As I defended my circle of close-talking space, he revealed the release of his brand new book Giving and convincingly told a mesmerized crowd it only takes one person to change the world. It was his intensity on the topic that not only took over the moment but struck a cord with me. He elaborated how those Renaissance weekends inspired the creation of Clinton Global Initiative (then approaching its 3rd year) and how they would soon stream CGI over the internet so anyone who wanted to share and participate, could. Those five minutes changed my life.

That evening I was convinced that Hillary and Bill Clinton would become the next leaders of the free world. The truth is, they never stopped and still are.

To say that spending a week at the Clinton Global Initiative was inspiring simply doesn’t grab the gravitas of the experience. Indeed, it has taken me over a week to process and collect my thoughts on the entire journey, from receiving word of my approved credentials to my reflective flight home.

Perched just feet away from Bill’s mind-blowing brilliance for four consecutive days has its ups and downs though. Think Viagra for your brain…sent into overdrive with no “off” button…stimulating and exhausting.

One week later, it still hasn’t turned off.

CLICK HERE FOR FULL PRESS PHOTO COVERAGE, courtesy of Hireheels sugardaddy photog Rahim Kanani of Harvard Kennedy School of Government

[More reflections on CGI to come...]

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The Heels of the Hire variety are curiously clacking
in the halls of The 5th Annual Clinton Global
Initiative (CGI) in New York City to feast on a buffet
of knowledge, innovation and wisdom imparted by
more than 60 current and former heads of state and
private sector moguls. Think: E-Harmony for NGOs,
CEOs and ‘E’GOs on viagra, power-courting in
hopes of break-through sex…errr, sorry, I meant
breakout sessions.

Indeed Princess finds herself embedded in the very
press corps that once kicked Hillary Clinton to the
curb during the 2008 election. But I digress. This
year HireHeels is covering the entire event so that we
plug in to the very issues affecting Women around
the globe.

If you’ve been following our journey, you’re well
aware of the highs and lows… from slapping Chris
Matthews live on MSNBC’s Hardball to debating Fox’
s Neil Cavuto, we’ll take any pot-holed terrain that
threatens to destroy our sister-heels…not only here
in America’s power-chick capital, but also in places as
remote as Rwanda and Congo.

Rumor has it that CGI is exploring an ALL-CHICK
CGI. Some may call that reverse sexism but after
scanning the sea of empty seats at today’s “Investing
in Women and Girls” Opening Plenary session, it is
clear to me that this topic, to use Bill’s words earlier,
isn’t always sexy enough to take root. Have no fear…
HireHeels is here…with more to come on W.E.E.
(Women’s Economic Empowerment) and others
issues.

Meanwhile, you can plug into CGI’s vibrant vibe via
the streaming video (or pre-recorded sessions) in
Shoe-Tube. Princess is far from satiatied but will try
to share as much blister-free commentary as possible
with splashing, tweeting and posting along the way.

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Unlike Gucci Gal, I’m no horsie gal, but couldn’t giddy up fast enough to post on this wonderfully inspiring story.

In one of the most amazing competitions ever witnessed, Rachel Alexandra outran her macho, co-contending colts to win the 134th Preakness Stakes yesterday at Pimlico Race Track. Spectactors watched in awe as Alexandra snagged the lead when she was halfway to the the finish.

Hardly a quirky racehorse name, “Rachel Alexandra” was named after the granddaughter of her original owner.  But he didn’t deem her worthy to compete with the ‘boys.’  It was her new owner, Jess Jackson of the famed Kendall-Jackson Vineyard, who knew she had the moxy to get the done!

This spectacularly beautiful filly deserves more than just few headlines. Though always a fave among her sister-fillies, Rachel Alexandra’s Preakness win was even grander because she was set against the ‘boys.’ But what this makes her victory so special is that she is the first filly to win the race since 1924, four years after women were given their voting rights.

How symbolic!

Indeed, the ladies were the winners yesterday, not just because so many at Pimlico placed their bets on Rachel Alexander, but because the win was earned by the best contender. Rachel Alexandra reminded us that girls do rule!

Now if we could only we could take the White House!

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