Would You Sleep With A Cow?

We women know all too well the old saying: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Well, we’re here to ask a different question: Why buy the Milk if you wouldn’t have sex with a cow? Pardon the graphic visual, but that’s exactly what you’re doing when you drink milk.

The experts tell us it’s the universe ‘effing’ with our world today. But we’re going to let you in on ‘The Secret’…a very dirty one.

It’s the hormones.

That’s right. Your morning caffe latte routine has turned you into a genetically modified science experiment. That ‘latte’ is a hormone cocktail, laced with special antibiotics and high levels of over-pimped-out-pituitary-gland growth hormone to over-generate a cow’s milk production. Or to put in another way, we’re drinking ‘The Pill.’

So What does drinking all those hormones do to the female body? For starters, our boobs are bigger, our skin is more acne-prone, our butts are way more J-lo and our young girls are becoming frighteningly Very Sexy by age 10.

Speaking of very sexy, maybe you’ve seen the latest ‘Got Milk’ TV commercial? The $60 Million ad campaign flaunts a sultry Salma Hayek jonesing for her bovine fix (and we ain’t talking Botox). Though we heart the hormonal ‘pms-meets-walk-of-shame’ theme, replete with broken stiletto, bed-head bouffant and sex-smudged eyes — we are tossing our cookies all over this milk campaign!

Shame on you Ms. Hayek. You may be going crazy for milk, but it’s the milk that’s making you crazy.

Harvard Researcher Ganmaa Davaasambuu warns: “Among the routes of human exposure to estrogens, we are mostly concerned about cow’s milk, which contains considerable amounts of female sex hormones.” Such estrogens are up to 100,000 times more potent than their environmental counterparts, like those in pesticides. Davaasambuu implicates all cow products including butter, meat, milk, and cheese as causing the high rate of hormone-dependent cancers, most staggeringly breast cancer.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

But it’s not just the women who should be scared. According to beverage digest, the average American — this includes men — consumed nearly 21 gallons of milk in 2010. So? Well, when men consume high fat diets, including an excess of cow products (think: The Palm) they are not only compromising their fertility, they’re also contaminating their sacred semen.

So next time you think about swallowing…just visualize having sex with a cow and we guarantee you’ll spit it out.

Umm, the milk that is.

Princess Wears Prada aka @AndoniaPR
Zanotti A-Broad aka @Eyeppl

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