Getting your biz ‘found’ in a morass of social media is about as serendipitious as being found by your soulmate on Match!

Not unlike dating and mating in the real world, it is necessary to make your virtual brand equally attractive to your online playmates hireheels.jpg(errrr… not of the bunny variety). Social media and social lives are now so inextricably linked, you have to ask yourself: Is there even a difference? Weinergate aside, the lines between sex drives and hard drives have never been more blurred. Wield the right mix: a little bit o’ flash, sexy algorithms, some back-end code and Google lubricant, and watch your performance tickle your tribes.

According to the social titans over at Hubspot, we must leverage all the noise out there to “get found” and be desired by more prospective suitors. But how?

My once super-cool small biz website—which edutains a global community of medical influencers in 85 countries— has now fallen frumpy, and dare I say, desperate. Can you say mojo makeover? My .com can barely garner a blind date let alone get hit on by a bevy of fresh meat. Somewhere between Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter, I got out-teched. It’s time to reposition it in the little blackbook of cyberspace, where the only way to seduce new leads is to play games (sigh). To get more site traffic, more followers and stronger SEO, I apparently must bake more flirty cupcakes, tweet aphrodisiacs and blow thousands of virtual kisses if I hope to get snagged.

So with the help of Hubspot, here are 10 Tips (my interpretation) on how to get your site laid:

1. Leverage Those Curves: Creating content is kinda like padding your bra: you need to draw attention but support the interest beyond the fluff to keep ’em hooked…so pad your site with enough titillating content to fill Barbie’s bra

2. Blog Your Booty Off: Create and incorporate a blog that teases and tempts

3. Don’t Play Mind Games: Your suitors cannot read your mind so keep it simple, be upfront or be alone

4. Play ROC Hard: (Relax, that’s ‘Return On Content’) Stay abreast of what’s working and what’s not with your audience

5. Pimp It Out: Use strong (not graphic) imagery and video to enhance your message penetration

6. Slow Hand: Make sure your site is free of commitment issues and register your domain for the long haul

7. MOZ Rank: If you don’t know what this means, not only are you not ‘cool’ enough, but worse: they’re just not that into you

8. Un-Fatal Attraction: Utilize linking optimization whenever possible to ensure a mutual attraction

9. Feed Them: Don’t let 9 1/2 weeks lapse between communication: Text, blog, tweet… Whatever it takes

10. Don’t Overanalyze: But do check to see how you stack up against your competitors (you know, the ones getting all the action)

HubSpot’s Website Grader gave me a “C” and that unfortunately ain’t a cup size. I’ll improve, I promise. I’m committed. I’m in it to win it. I want to be found. I do!! Who knows… Maybe if I do all these things, I just may even snag that soulmate.

Shout-out to HubSpot for helping me transform my small biz brand on the Internet.

For more information and to find out how you stack up, check out: