Have you been feeling off-kilter lately? Are your sleep patterns feeling more psychedelic Pucci rather than reliable Ralph Lauren? Is your head jumbled with enough thoughts to fill two episodes of The View? Do you feel lately like your life is a veritable vortex of chaos? Are you questioning everything and everybody?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the questions above, the good news is you’re not alone. The not-so-good news is—wait for it—the Earth is making us all crazy.

Literally!

That’s right. Instead of racking up hourly fees to your local shrink and popping Xanax at a Tic-Tacs’s pace, might we suggest a visit instead to your neighborhood quantum physicist.

Maybe we’ve been hanging out in M.I.T.’s Voltage Cafe too much lately, but today we are asking the question: Have we become so geomagnetically-sensitive that we are reacting to even the slightest stimuli?

Researchers tell us yes!

The earth’s magnetic field itself is a fascinating beast. Tame as many think it is, the magnetism of our planet is remarkably capricious. Fluctuations in magnetism are shedding light on why geological phenomena like earthquakes, tsunamis and hurricanes are detected by animals well in advance of people. But geomagnetic activity is also directly related to humans, i.e. our mental activity. Research suggests heightened geomagnetic activity correlates with violent crime, depression, hallucinations, sleep deprivation, psychokinesis and poltergeist phenomena – basically, all kinds of crazy shit.

Think about it.

From earthquakes to market crashes, the past few weeks have doled out enough lunacy to give even Gadhafi pause (er, wherever he is). In a world where everything is spinning out of control – From London lootings, to Libyan shootings… from GovPerry’s stem-cell-quackery to Buffett’s plenipotentiary… from Rawsome milk raids to radioactive spinach… from meteor showers to Beltway quakes… from markets tumbling to earth’s core grumbling… (did we forget to mention the sky is falling and the anchovies aren’t mating)… are we, ourselves, responsible for making an already whacky world even whackier?

Apparently, yes.

The Law of attraction states we are all electromagnetic beings with frequencies at a level of thought. So, basically we’re like big tacky refrigerator magnets, and the way we vibrate affects what happens. Our thoughts create our feelings and our feelings create vibratory levels that shape our world. But when the earth’s magnetic field starts f*king with your frequency, can you really trust those thoughts and feelings? Add a rabid 24/7 news media frenzy filter and we can safely say, not!

First the markets go haywire. Then the planet. Then the people. Or, is it the other way around? It’s enough to bring out the Crazies (and that’s just the media).

Take the markets. CNBC reporters seemed stunned that investors were reacting to the teeniest tidbits of news and gossip, causing unprecedented volatility. Luckily for investors, this whip-saw shift between good and bad news actually began to feel normal, creating some false stability. But, should we be making rash decisions— in money, life or love—by the mere trickling of unvetted news or gossipy tweets to the point where we’ve abandoned rationality?

Now who’s crazy!

Apparently everyone. According to Dr. Amit Goswami, Ph.D, @quantumactivist on Twitter, a sudden change of environment requires an equally sudden evolutionary jump in the species. Environmental discomfort — not unlike we’ve been experiencing — and geomagnetic fields influence our psychological mood contributing to the aggravation of psychological symptoms like depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, aggressiveness etc., a phenomenon scientists track via something called The International Geomagnetic Index.

Now take Hurricane Irene. Yesterday you could actually sense, minute-by-minute, the shift from over-hyped weather coverage to all-out media madness. From the somber tone of the President to the tweeted urgency of the White House press corps to “Get the Hell off The Beach” from jersey’s Gov, poor Irene was amped from a healthy hurricane to a slow-motion scene from The Day After Tomorrow.

So next time the financial markets contort into a Cirque de Soleil stunt, forget the Nikkei Index and remember the Geomagnetic Index. Or the next time your world is whipped into hysteria, ponder these silkily sage words from Dr. Goswami: “FLOW IS WHEN THE DANCE DANCES YOU.”

Then go dancing.

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Getting your biz ‘found’ in a morass of social media is about as serendipitious as being found by your soulmate on Match!

Not unlike dating and mating in the real world, it is necessary to make your virtual brand equally attractive to your online playmates (errrr… not of the bunny variety). Social media and social lives are now so inextricably linked, you have to ask yourself: Is there even a difference? Weinergate aside, the lines between sex drives and hard drives have never been more blurred. Wield the right mix: a little bit o’ flash, sexy algorithms, some back-end code and Google lubricant, and watch your performance tickle your tribes.

According to the social titans over at Hubspot, we must leverage all the noise out there to “get found” and be desired by more prospective suitors. But how?

My once super-cool small biz website—which edutains a global community of medical influencers in 85 countries— has now fallen frumpy, and dare I say, desperate. Can you say mojo makeover? My .com can barely garner a blind date let alone get hit on by a bevy of fresh meat. Somewhere between Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter, I got out-teched. It’s time to reposition it in the little blackbook of cyberspace, where the only way to seduce new leads is to play games (sigh). To get more site traffic, more followers and stronger SEO, I apparently must bake more flirty cupcakes, tweet aphrodisiacs and blow thousands of virtual kisses if I hope to get snagged.

So with the help of Hubspot, here are 10 Tips (my interpretation) on how to get your site laid:

1. Leverage Those Curves: Creating content is kinda like padding your bra: you need to draw attention but support the interest beyond the fluff to keep ‘em hooked…so pad your site with enough titillating content to fill Barbie’s bra

2. Blog Your Booty Off: Create and incorporate a blog that teases and tempts

3. Don’t Play Mind Games: Your suitors cannot read your mind so keep it simple, be upfront or be alone

4. Play ROC Hard: (Relax, that’s ‘Return On Content’) Stay abreast of what’s working and what’s not with your audience

5. Pimp It Out: Use strong (not graphic) imagery and video to enhance your message penetration

6. Slow Hand: Make sure your site is free of commitment issues and register your domain for the long haul

7. MOZ Rank: If you don’t know what this means, not only are you not ‘cool’ enough, but worse: they’re just not that into you

8. Un-Fatal Attraction: Utilize linking optimization whenever possible to ensure a mutual attraction

9. Feed Them: Don’t let 9 1/2 weeks lapse between communication: Text, blog, tweet… Whatever it takes

10. Don’t Overanalyze: But do check to see how you stack up against your competitors (you know, the ones getting all the action)

HubSpot’s Website Grader gave me a “C” and that unfortunately ain’t a cup size. I’ll improve, I promise. I’m committed. I’m in it to win it. I want to be found. I do!! Who knows… Maybe if I do all these things, I just may even snag that soulmate.

Shout-out to HubSpot for helping me transform my small biz brand on the Internet.

For more information and to find out how you stack up, check out: www.hubspot.com

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Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Silvio Berlusconi and Bill Clinton… I’m sure that these names ring a bell or rather an alarm to many. They’re all extremely powerful seducing-prone men with weaknesses for manipulative women. Men are always on the prowl for women, right? It’s animal instinct. Alas, powerful men no longer even need to prowl, as women just throw themselves at their feet.

Look at the women who managed to bring down the aforementioned panthers – a maid/wannabe-prostitute, an under-aged dancer/hooker and an intern with an agenda beyond licking stamps. It’s good to know that the World is lacking in real despair and destitution so that the media can cover such lascivious and ludicrous drama. Should we break these guys’ balls for being sexual predators in disguise or are they mere porn-puppets?

According to the law, there is a significant distinction between being a “seducer” and a “rapist”. Recent reports in Massachusetts illustrate that there are about 11,000 sexual offenders registered in the state. The number of registered offenders barely touches the number of those actually convicted of sex crimes.

9 years ago today, a dear friend of mine, Ally Zapp, had her life stolen by a sexual predator. The killer, a convicted sexual offender who worked at a Burger King, followed her into the restaurant’s bathroom and tried to steal her wallet. My headstrong friend protested and this Paul Leahy stabbed her to death. That same year, the U.S. Department of Justice noted that 68% of released non-sex offenders were later rearrested for crimes that included sex offenses. So do all criminal roads lead to sex crimes?

It’s hard enough for we single girls to maneuver the dating jungle without having to worry about who’s a predator versus who’s a prospect… How do we know who are good guys? If it’s not even safe to use a public restroom, how can we feel safe walking into someone’s apartment or hotel room? Are we just making ourselves easy prey?

I recently went on a date with an über-successful Tech God. His invitation made me teeter on my always-balanced stilettos. It was a near-fantasy date: chic resto, roofy-free Rioja, chemistry-charged convo interrupted by sweet sultry kisses… And then, he goes for the kill, leaning into my ear, he begins to whisper, “Mmmmm… You’re almost perfect… But, you’re… kinda scary. You’re like a guy with balls.”

Moment killed.

Lift stiletto, insert in scrotum.

What?! How dare a man tell me that I have balls! I was sooo insulted. Then again, I was flattered. I’m an intelligently strong, company-running, globetrotting, couture-wearing babe. Maybe, I had grown balls, protecting myself. After Ally’s murder I erected an impenetrable invisible forcefield around my petite self. This led me to think, how can any guy see through to my sweet and demure girl-next-door persona, when I’m accessorizing like the Knights Templar?

If you let down your guard with powerful men, they think you’re easy, like Berlusconi’s Bunga Bunga girls, assigning you a shelf-life of a sashimi boat at Nobu. However, if you play it cautiously strong, letting your protective coating stick long enough to vet the prospect, you’re seen as a B-I-T-C-H. Deduction: Buy another pair of Manolos and hold out for that man with x-ray vision, who can not only see through your forcefield, but can shatter it.

To My Dear Ally, if only you’d taken my advice and worn stilettos instead of flipflops… You and I both know where that stiletto would have ended up.

This post was dedicated to Alexandra Nicole Zapp, who was murdered by a sex offender on July 18, 2002. The ALLY Foundation was established in her memory, dedicated to reforming a system that lets sex offenders slip through the cracks.

For more information, please visit theallyfoundation.org

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Slouched in my cushy, cracked leather Jetblue seat, I welcomed the announcement to turn off all wireless devices and pulled out some saved newspaper sections (yes, I still read print!). I landed on a recent New York Times business feature on AOL-Time Warner’s split.  Wasn’t that marriage just eight years ago?  Then again, eight years is an eternity in technology and now, quite possibly, real-life marriage.

Having just spent the past two weeks in my beloved Massachusetts flying between Beantown and Nantucket and back again, I had a rare opportunity to cover a lot of social mileage.  And what I came away with (aside from a few nasty hangovers) left me a bit shell-shocked.  My long-standing social circles from the late 90’s were largely intact, but, those weddings I attended or the ones I didn’t get invited to… D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

Then it got me thinking, can modern marriage survive modern technology?  More specifically: Can couples remain afloat in a swirling sea of social networking sites?

Think back to how you felt when your desktop speakers blared: You’ve Got Mail!  You did have AOL, didn’t you? Heck, just about everyone on the planet had an AOL account. And who didn’t find themselves lurking in a chatroom or two?  The never-truly-hip AOL was eventually tainted with the “creep factor” (which has also seeped into Craigslist and a few other sites). Advice to those of you clinging to your @aol.com address: It’s time for change.

Today however we are über-SMS: Socially-Media-Sophisticated. It’s all a gal can do to text, blog and tweet while getting pedicured during her lunch break – with some texts reading more like a Danielle Steel novel. Has our finetuning of online social networking skills awoken others parts of us that, well, were asleep? If so, could that explain the increased divorce rate?

Apparently, yes. The Guardian recently reported that "cyber affairs" are being cited with greater frequency in disruptions of real marriages. Social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and MySpace are, according to divorce lawyers, the online enablers.

Lately a handful of married exes and colleagues tracked me down to giddily remind me of their Facebook presence. Here they go again, casting their fishing rods! It’s as if somehow these social networking sites have awarded them a clean slate, granting them a license to, dare I say, stray. I wonder how their wives would feel about their chatting up former gal-pals online? Then again, social networking sites are a boon for desperate housewives.

There’s no question that being part of a supportive, dynamic duo is the preferred way to go. But how do you manage ‘it’ while now having to manage all of ‘them’ (the ‘them’ being all of your new social network pals). Don’t expect any marital wisdom from this princess. I just discovered my less-than-significant other not only has a blog,  but belongs to multiple social networks.  Hmmm… he ain’t sending me cupcakes.

Maybe social media will run its course and land the same fate as AOL. And maybe marriage, as in staying married, will make a comeback. I will ponder these and other profound thoughts as I prepare to tweet this post.

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“And whom should Persuasion summon;
Here, to soothe the sting of your passion this time?

Give me All I long for,
In all my battles, Fight as my comrade” (1)

Sappho, an ancient Greek poet from sometime between 630 BC and 612 BC, possessed a unique freedom to express her thoughts and cares and live as she wanted to. It’s only in the last hundred or so years that women of Western cultures could ‘boast’ that kind of freedom.

In a masculine world in which females are generally presented as suffering and often guilty victims of tragedy and emotion, it is refreshing (and empowering!) to have Hillary Clinton standing for us now.

Strong women are the definition of humanity – - they have SENSE and sensuality. Yes, I may be a bitch and a tease, but as Sheryl Crow once professed, a goddess on my knees.

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“This whole Initiative is in the WE business,” Bill Clinton exclaimed at the conclusion of the Clinton Global Initiative, the most brilliant marriage of philanthropy and capitalism ever staged. Somehow I suspect Bill’s philosophy is largely inspired by his own very personal concept of “WE” – his other half…of the Clinton brand – Hillary.

He further charmed: “Thank you for giving me the first chance I’ve had to see Hillary…Most of what I do today, I’ve learned from her.”

Wow. Just wow.

They say that marriage is only as strong as its weakest partner. For the Clintons’ very public partnership, it would seem that getting through the roughest of patches required one to summon enough strength for two. Maybe we’re all a bit too comfortable weighing in on the Clinton marriage (the media have certainly claimed it as eminent domain), but what I saw the other day in a very public forum was a very private moment.

We gals have been told that by allowing a man to believe he is in charge…well, that is the art of being a woman. How nice to see that art appreciated. Dare anyone question why Bill Clinton fought so hard for Hillary during her presidential run, they need only see what he so plainly showed in a way that only Bill Clinton can communicate. We all felt it.

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Thoughts originating in bahrain – en route to Jordan – on Afghanistan.

The Middle East is a modern sandstorm.  From the sweeping expanse of desert speckled with architecturally challenging superstructures – - glass, glass, glass and more glass scallop the edge of the reclaimed sea, to the daunting mountain impregnated landscape between the mythical Babylon and the crumbled warzones.  The sky is hugged thickly by dust clouds, parting briefly to expose the skin-searing sun and the sultry secrets of Islam… Surrounded by this exotic world hidden behind the dark drapes of abaya, I peer out from my uncovered eyes and wonder…

Who are we Westerners to determine the appropriateness of Islamic law?

In Arabic, the word “hijab” means a curtain or cover, which originates from a word meaning “to cover, veil or shelter.”  In the Koran, Islam’s holy book, women are asked to draw their clothes around them… so that no harm will come to them.  But when will women’s rights be protected and not covered by the misinterpretations of the Koran?  Specifically in the Koran, it is written: "…say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and adornments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, sons and uncles…”In a massive blow to global women’s rights, Afghan President Hamid Karzai pushed through a law which essentially legalizes marital rape.  But the international community, including the United Nations, NATO and several Western nations have expressed their ‘concern.’ Hireheels agrees with President Obama…”ABHORRENT!”

Whether we like to admit it, The U.S. Constitution is America’s holy book, interpreted and revered by The People.  In order to form a more perfect Union, we have set rules to ensure the freedom of expression… even prayer, the right to vote and, of course, the right to bear arms. We respect that other nations follow different codes and not all global citizens are considered to exist on the same level.  However, when Karzai said that Western concerns about the new law are "inappropriate" and may have been based on "misinterpretations…" Point Taken.

My only question to President Karzai:  How can the legalization of marital rape be misinterpreted?

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This week was yet another in the race to lower the ethics bar of American Society. The sheer hypocrisy on display by America’s political, entertaintment and sports “ICONS” is now a weekly event. I don’t use the word ‘event’ lightly as it of great value to cable and media outlets. And with advertising budgets in the tank, desperate times call for even dirtier measures.

Hireheelers know politics is dirty business and that President Obama owes a whole lotta peeps in need of a good salt scrub (may i recommend the Caudalie Spa in the Bordeaux region). Mr. Daschle, who makes Joe the Plumber look like the Pope, is just one crony in a long line of Election 2008 creditors awaiting payment. I remain ever curious to see how dynamic duo from Hyde Park gets paid (can’t wait for that story to ‘ayer’). All this while our gal Hillary lugs around her six million dollar debt in her Birkan bag. Indeed, the more I hear about the personal lives of our American Poli-Idols who are expected to lead by example, the more I am reminded of the John Edwards endorsement last spring and what it shouldn’t have meant.

But I digress. I know it’s not productive to rehash old news. Who out there isn’t sick of being called a whiny white woman? But if we were to shut down HireHeels, I would doubtless end up in therapy, and that’s a costlier proposition than ranting in my zanotti stilettos. So you’re stuck with us for a little bit, while we retool the site to create more value for you!

If it doesn’t work out, we will enter the dirt collection business. We’ve got some stored in our closet on one certain political news analyst. We’ll throw it out there one day, when the time is right and watch it bubble up and ‘reGurgitate’ in the 24/7 news cycle.

Enough said.

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On January 28, 1985 Lionel Richie, Quincy Jones and the late Michael Jackson put together (literally) a Band of Brothers (and Sisters) to perform the now iconic single “We are the World” for African famine relief. The record raised more than $30 million and set a precedent for celebrity involvement in charitable causes.

Last evening new band of brothers and sisters, some of whom were not even born when the original single was produced, convened in the same studio as their predecessors. Together they sang to celebrate the Silver Anniversary of the single by recording a 2010 version to raise funds for the victims of earthquake-ravaged Haiti.

The 100-strong chorus crooned for over six hours and included such artists as: Barbra Streisand, Celine Dion, Tony Bennett, Snoop Dogg, Lil Wayne, Drake, LL Cool J, and will.i.am of Black Eyed Peas, as well as Justin Bieber, Wyclef Jean, Pink, Jeff Bridges, Vince Vaughn, Usher, Akon, T-Pain, Lil Wayne, Toni Braxton, Snoop Dogg and Josh Groban among others.

Recognizing that times are tough for all—we at hireheels.com ask you to support these efforts and the people of Haiti any way possible. The video for the single will be premiered on February 12, 2010 on NBC at the opening of the Vancouver Olympic games. Information on purchasing the single, which is still in production, is forthcoming. We’ll keep you posted.

Remember HireHeelers… You and Me are the collective WE—We are the World—so let’s stand tall (as we have so many times before). Together we can affect REAL change, protect those who are less fortunate and speak for those who don’t have the power or ability to speak for themselves.

Photo credit: “We Are The World 25 Years for Haiti” recording session held at Jim Henson Studios in Hollywood, California. Credit: Kevin Mazur / WireImage.

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